In The Raw

When my father was diagnosed with fourth stage lung cancer three and a half years ago our family's foundation fell out from underneath all of us. Lost, afraid, panicked and angry were a few of the feelings that coursed through each of us as we settled into the very real loss that was staring us right in the face.

The path we were on for five months after his diagnosis was one that I think most people experience when this type of thing strikes them in the same manner. Fog ridden thoughts, serious discussions that you forget thirty minutes after having them, hyper vigilance and focusing on his care, not to mention anything else that could numb out the very brutal reality that our father was dying.

I shared this journey with my mother, all five of my siblings, my husband, my children and a hoard of grandchildren, family and friends. Dad might have been lacking in stature but he was no small man. His worse nightmare and biggest blessing was that we were all there to take care of him in his time of need. All of his needs were covered.. physical, mental, spiritual, financial, you name it we had it and it was done in a timely and efficient manner. Those things we could manage, not always our best at the same time, but each of us took our turn and backed away when we couldn't be our strongest selves.
The beauty of a big, strong, catholic family. Fake it till you make it, don't be a baby, grin and bare it, suck it up buttercup, buckle down, buckle down, do it, do it, do it.. I think we all used to sing a song that had some of those lyrics.

Anyhow.. In the middle of all of this mayhem and discord I began researching a natural, very intense, nutritional means of possibly waylaying Dad's illness. Reading about how powerful nutrition, supplements, juicing and flooding your body with these powerful micro nutrients could be gave me hope. Hope that he wouldn't die, maybe. Hope that he wouldn't hurt or suffer anymore, maybe. Hope that somehow, someway I could stop this train wreck and it would all just get better, it all could happen right? Maybe?

It all did happen and we lost him anyway. It wasn't anything any of us could control no matter how hard we rallied, how much juice we made or how hard we prayed. The blessing came when he wasn't suffering anymore. We accepted that loss for that reason, but's it's been a slow road traveled in these last three years. It makes it hard to heal when all of the wounds you have are on the inside and just the smell of him opens that painful place up again like it was yesterday.

In these last three years I have become a self proclaimed EDE (experimental dietary explorer). I don't believe that there is any official title in the world that I could be categorized under, but I think the title in and of itself is self explanatory. The course I started in the midst of my father's illness gave me a purpose and a focus to begin anew after his death. I can hear him when I come up with new recipes that avoid meat of all kinds are dairy free, gluten free and all things plant. He'd screw up his face, give me that "look", say "I don't think so" and would try it anyway. My father was a very smart man, he knew that his smoking was why he was sick, but also saw the value in what I was peddling as he lost his appetite, hair and strength. It gave him hope too.

This post was to share a new recipe that is dairy, meat and gluten free.. also raw, vegan and delicious.

So many people ask "why" would you eat like that or cook in that manner when I share what I'm doing or eating. It intrigues them I guess. So I figured I'd share the why of it first and then you'll know, but also understand, the healing power of hope.