Cleaner Living

Everyday is a brand new beginning right.. I pray so. The empty Oreo cookie package in the waste basket from the night before or the last few nights in a row that it took to polish them off is evidence that I am not trying to hide anything but, as always it is a blaring component of my need to fill something other then my belly from time to time. Sweet? Salty? Boozy? Comforting? Calming? I'm not sure when I came to the understanding that substances other then just myself were a "fix it" for my emotional wellness and how it came to have such an impact on my everyday life from a very young age.

I think we learn what we live, or at least I did, some things took a few rounds to get it, but there it was in the end. There was a lot of thumping and bumping through life, learning as you go kind of lessons, model what you see more so then any philosophies.. and became kind of the gist of my eclectic, self medication tactics. I know I am not alone here..

Garden variety was a term I heard once at a support meeting describing people like me years ago. I had never heard that term before. I liked the garden part. Flowers. Blooming. Propagation. Color... The variety piece was appealing as well. Variety is the spice of life right? Keeps things interesting to have varied interests, maybe not dozens and dozens, but variety could only be beneficial was my way of thinking.

Well, in the best case scenario maybe, but with a cellular predisposition to wander, inattention and a distracted make up with a propensity to obsessive natures and not having any innate understanding of which direction was right or wrong, accepted or desired, a "Garden Variety" personality such as myself ended up being a perfect recipe for a Hot Mess Soup.. and one that I made often.

Most of the lessons I learned in my life have come from personal experiences. Good, bad, embarrassing, fearful, spiritual, dangerous, exciting, creative, hysterical, in a fun way of course. :) They all came when they came and it wasn't until after the fact when I had some perspective and I would say...
Damn.... That was a little sketchy, or Man..... I don't think I'll ever do that again, or Awesome!!!... I want to do that for the rest of my life... I know I'm not alone here either.. Lol..

Anyway, reflecting a bit now in my older years, I don't remember ever choosing to do something that I researched, investigated all of the scenarios, knew all of the facts, accessed the risk factors FIRST..  AND THEN..  made a choice to move forward.  Anything that I ever was passionate about and wanted to discover fully, seemed to choose me and when that happened I was ALL IN!  I was never one to "Seek Wise Counsel"... and then proceed with caution. I was a touch the wood stove kind of girl and figured out pretty quick most times that doing one thing or another was either good or not good in my own personal Book of Wisdom and moved forward or backward from there. Which may explain my abundance of scars, unfinished projects and creative endeavors.

To end.. With all of this nuttiness going on in our world, routines, lives, physical and mental health turned upside down and side ways what was the best way for me to channel some of that and take care of myself?  The other day a very wise, young person shared with me her thoughts and it was to "first, do no harm". As simple as that. Hippocrates in his finest hour. Brilliant!!

So today, I'll take a step out or over the hard stuff however I can manage and cause the least amount of harm to myself or others and then move on from there.
No shame here. No big rules or inner~judgey eye rolls.. Just another 24 hours to make it less harmful, and kinder, for myself and then to anyone close enough to share it with, 6 feet apart of course.

Cheers,

Denice

Setting Your Own Pace

Something I'm discovering as I approach my 50th birthday and navigate the 50th year in this world is,  that "pace" is unique and a very individual thing for each of us.

When I was in junior high and high school I ran spring track every year. That ran, (literally) until my junior year, 11th grade, when I had a boyfriend,  a drivers license and a job, which unfortunately steered me away from any prospective Olympic medal opportunities I may have had and left me to navigate a new type of experience. I always regretted not continuing on that path. Anyway...

Track, with all of it's strange dynamics was a steady and predictable sport for me. It had order, it made sense, you didn't need to really think about it much once you knew the rules and it all seemed to fall together, you just had to show up and follow directions.

The routine for us was always the same during the first two weeks of training, so as, to condition our bodies. Pain was involved, but it was good for us we were told, after a long Maine winter and to quell all of those surging hormones.

This practice was always consistent. You changed up, you stretched in a big circle on the grass while hearing the explanation of what was to happen that day and why. After hearing clear direction we were led to the track for a light jog together to continue warming up, then we all headed into our separate specialized events to begin.  Limber, focused, warm and prepared for the challenges that lie ahead. What a life concept!!

If you were running late and missed the routine you had to do the whole warm up scenario alone, and then had to wait for a personal discussion from the coach which could cost you half of your practice time as she didn't think very highly of tardiness. If you were late it usually only happened once.

So my thought or question today is... Isn't pace, discipline? Yes? I think so. Pace and Discipline are, being steady, showing up, being prepared, present and doing what is expected of you initially, until you learn what your specialties are. What your events in life might be? Interesting.

My pace and my discipline is unique to me. When I find that sweet spot in my life I am content, warm, confident and happy. When I try to "keep up" with another's pace I get burnt out, lose my focus and want to walk off the field. If another 's pace is too slow, I am impatient,  erratic and become excruciatingly frustrated by the sloth like progression of the slower way.

I don't think there is anything much to do or acknowledge about any of this meandering, but mostly just to notice and be mindful of what your pace may be and how it fits into your life situations. I think knowing that your pace is a bit too fast for someone gives you pause to be compassionate and patient with that moment. Then if you're in a situation where you are feeling anxious and overwhelmed by the whirlwind pace around you noticing your need can allow you to raise your flag and say, I'm going to take a break for a while, which brings a pause into the experience and allows for more balance to come back in.

In 50 years of living a life of races, stretches, events and lite warming jogs, I am grateful for the pace that I have found and am currently living. Sometimes I'm up for a good, fast run but I find more so that I am my most content when life is steady, predictable and present. My authentic pace isn't a discipline any longer mostly because I have shown up on the field, listened and followed directions for my own path. Blessed as I am I get to choose now. I get to choose to sit in the big circle, declare my specialties and even if it hurts sometimes, continue to stretch.

Have a great weekend and set your own pace!

Cheers! Denice