The HOPE We Have...

Everyday I wake up and do the same things... Not too much changes in that routine unless I sleep beyond my alarm, or have to get up and out for one reason or another, but mostly my morning consists of a well timed pot of coffee, perking and popping happy hissing sounds as it burps its way into  the full carafe. I don't shed much light in the house at first, if it's still dark I light a few candles and one lamp in the far space of the family room and begin my dailyness.

Sitting at one end of the kitchen table on a Mexicali Blues cushion for good spiritual groundedness, I pile up my inspirational friends in the form or books, devotionals, gurus and a well creased composition book that I buy in bulk during the back to school sales for 10 cents a piece, knowing they'll be full by the time the next academic year arrives. One full comp book of writing a month is about what it works up to and I've been writing like this for close to 25 years. My sister has promised me that she will not read them and will burn them for me if I die unexpectedly and hubby has assured me he has zero interest in what I write in those volumes so doesn't ever nose around them or make me feel like I need to lock away my written verbal process to feel safe from intruders. He actually gets the audio version later each morning so really doesn't need to read them after all. Ha! :)

My spiritual practice has evolved from these writings. I feel very strongly that whenever you are conveying your inner most thoughts via the written word you are channeling a higher self or a deeper voice that most definitely I can attest to not being my own from time to time...most of the time. Divine Intervention is real people!! :) Days like that leave me exhausted but fully alive and present with a knowing that is wild and bizarre. I am humbled on those days. But in those spaces it seems to cultivate HOPE.. It opens up a what's next channel and if I'm listening most days it's spot on.

Hope is crazy! Sometimes I look all around me and I think, "OH GOD!! What is going on here?!?"... Life, right?? We all see it. We all feel it, sometimes closer then other times, but man~ It comes both barrels some days. I am not in any personal crisis at all right now, thank goodness, but I feel the crisis in others and see the crisis in so many places that it's overwhelming. Hope though, keeps us from jumping don't you think? Hope gives us pause. Hope is a drink of water and a breath that we didn't have or couldn't perceive two moments prior to the intake of what is "too much" to handle at once. Hope is what lets us trust and believe that there is a bigger and more powerful force that holds things in balance even when the eyes cannot see and the ears cannot hear.. Hope is a blessing. A pause, a breath.

"A shred of hope". A shred isn't much, but it's enough. It's enough to receive exactly what we need when we question, when we deny, when we are feeling, "What the hell did I do all of that for??!". Grab a carrot later and peel it. Pull out the grater and shred that baby up... take one shred and lay it on the table. It's not much is it?
But it's enough. Today in our culture we need BIG energy.. BIG results and we want them yesterday. Faster, better and we skim right over the surface of our lives. No wonder we don't see the cracks. We notice them once they become a fracture to our well being, our sense of purpose and life force.. When we feel defeated and tired, hopeless... What a shitty place to be and it can happen really fast sometimes. That shred of hope is all it takes though~ powerful in its presence and it only takes one. That's crazy hope!

My spiritual practice had been on a different track over the last six months or so. In christian circles it's called a dessert, in Native American teachings it would be a quest possibly. Buddhism would refer to it as a path or a journey.. It's been more of a dessert for me, a realignment of sorts I guess. I would still write everyday, but I didn't leave room beyond the writing to be led deeper, to give myself the time to sink or listen. My phone has been the culprit and I've given myself permission to keep it off, silenced, upside down for good measure and well out of reach in the morning or at least until I have given the third part of myself time each day.. Spirit.



Mind, Body, Spirit... Keeping that simple balance alone has healed each crack and fracture I've endured over the last 25 years and creates a deeper hope for the journey I am on and whatever that journey may be. I'm not sure anymore. But what I do know is that I am healed from the complacent space I have been in and I am open. I have HOPE, and today it's abundant enough to share!

In Love Always,
Denice

Setting Your Own Pace

Something I'm discovering as I approach my 50th birthday and navigate the 50th year in this world is,  that "pace" is unique and a very individual thing for each of us.

When I was in junior high and high school I ran spring track every year. That ran, (literally) until my junior year, 11th grade, when I had a boyfriend,  a drivers license and a job, which unfortunately steered me away from any prospective Olympic medal opportunities I may have had and left me to navigate a new type of experience. I always regretted not continuing on that path. Anyway...

Track, with all of it's strange dynamics was a steady and predictable sport for me. It had order, it made sense, you didn't need to really think about it much once you knew the rules and it all seemed to fall together, you just had to show up and follow directions.

The routine for us was always the same during the first two weeks of training, so as, to condition our bodies. Pain was involved, but it was good for us we were told, after a long Maine winter and to quell all of those surging hormones.

This practice was always consistent. You changed up, you stretched in a big circle on the grass while hearing the explanation of what was to happen that day and why. After hearing clear direction we were led to the track for a light jog together to continue warming up, then we all headed into our separate specialized events to begin.  Limber, focused, warm and prepared for the challenges that lie ahead. What a life concept!!

If you were running late and missed the routine you had to do the whole warm up scenario alone, and then had to wait for a personal discussion from the coach which could cost you half of your practice time as she didn't think very highly of tardiness. If you were late it usually only happened once.

So my thought or question today is... Isn't pace, discipline? Yes? I think so. Pace and Discipline are, being steady, showing up, being prepared, present and doing what is expected of you initially, until you learn what your specialties are. What your events in life might be? Interesting.

My pace and my discipline is unique to me. When I find that sweet spot in my life I am content, warm, confident and happy. When I try to "keep up" with another's pace I get burnt out, lose my focus and want to walk off the field. If another 's pace is too slow, I am impatient,  erratic and become excruciatingly frustrated by the sloth like progression of the slower way.

I don't think there is anything much to do or acknowledge about any of this meandering, but mostly just to notice and be mindful of what your pace may be and how it fits into your life situations. I think knowing that your pace is a bit too fast for someone gives you pause to be compassionate and patient with that moment. Then if you're in a situation where you are feeling anxious and overwhelmed by the whirlwind pace around you noticing your need can allow you to raise your flag and say, I'm going to take a break for a while, which brings a pause into the experience and allows for more balance to come back in.

In 50 years of living a life of races, stretches, events and lite warming jogs, I am grateful for the pace that I have found and am currently living. Sometimes I'm up for a good, fast run but I find more so that I am my most content when life is steady, predictable and present. My authentic pace isn't a discipline any longer mostly because I have shown up on the field, listened and followed directions for my own path. Blessed as I am I get to choose now. I get to choose to sit in the big circle, declare my specialties and even if it hurts sometimes, continue to stretch.

Have a great weekend and set your own pace!

Cheers! Denice

Be A Positive Force

Last night I gathered with a small study group that started or should I say evolved over the last six months. It's a wonderful clutch of women that share their experiences, involvement in community and spiritual journeys on a weekly basis.

I say it evolved mainly because I didn't set out on my own to host or create it, it just happened. The parts of my life that reveal themselves in this way I always try to lift to a higher power then myself and know that if it all opens up and most things just kind of click along it is divinely created and meant to be. Therefore, I try to get out of the way and just create the space needed for whatever is supposed to unfold within all of it.

Our discussion last night was prompted by a small portion of a book that we've all been reading. Beneath the topic of discussion was a noticeable concern that came up and was politically charged due to the obvious campaign circus that lie blatantly before all of us.

The first comments shared boiled down to complete discouragement, disbelief, frustration, anger, fear and helplessness. On so many levels you really couldn't resolve, guide or comfort anyone with the reality that each of us have found ourselves in. After much selective ranting and finding that we were all of the same mind we stopped. We decided not to go there and to relate somehow back to what we had been reading to what we were experiencing and thought unanimously to seek a better way and to reach for higher ground.

The book that we are reading is a parish wide small group book study by Matthew Kelly. Our pastor thought it would be a wonderful devotional and spiritual boost for our Lenten journey and provided books for everyone. The grace that came from our shared experience last night felt like one that should be shared on a bigger scale no matter what faith base you've been planted in.

Here are a few pieces of where we went with that grace.

"Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances." Thes 5 16-18

~ God is always at our side to help us make the best decisions
~What are you most grateful for today?

This stopped the fear, anger and any other entourage of thoughts to a screeching halt and gave us "pause".. Gratitude does that. Gratitude gains you the prospective to create that pause in the middle of the flurried funnel of despair that can consume us when we feel out of control. Gratitude for the simplest things and once you begin to follow that trek of thought you begin to see things with a bit more light, a shred of hope and begin to trust that this isn't up to us all by ourselves and to let go a bit.

Another piece that worked it's way in was...

"A joyful heart is good medicine." Proverbs 17:22
~There is nothing like the joy that God wants to fill our hearts with.
~Who or what is robbing you of your joy today?

Again, this gave us hope for the journey. Another tool, another place to pause and gather up our strength and courage to not feel defeated but to feel challenged instead. Challenged to stare fear, anxiety, panic and defeat right in the eye and.... Smile! Laugh! Be Kind! Help Someone! Turn off our phones, social media, news and drama binging and sit with a real person for an hour. Sing! Dance! Be Foolish and Silly.. relax!! 

After some processing this morning and mucking about in all of the pieces that made our evening conversations passionate and lively, I came up with a few certainties to embrace in these uncertain times. Certainties that if applied daily could change your life and even others around you that you didn't even know were watching.

Be a light in the darkness. Be a positive force in the world. Remember that negative thinking empowers the problem and if we embrace joy in its truest form~ LOVE. We have all won the race.

Can I get an Amen!

Generating Creativity

Years ago I was wandering around the old Bookland & Cafe in Brunswick, ME. Miss it still! While flipping through the inspiring works of writers and artists I came upon the book, "The Artist's Way", by Julia Cameron. At the time I had never experienced any of her writing and within the first few lines I was hooked! It was a book based on courses that she had developed on cultivating and nurturing your creative self~ in whatever genre or creative realm you existed within. Mine at the time was writing of course, as that has been my mainstay since I was ten, but I was also exploring color and painting through watercolor outside of a home based stenciling job that I was working at in our basement while raising our three young sons.

Julia set me on a course of exploration.. She gave me tools within her books that I still utilize in my everyday creative process. Over time I have shifted in my mediums up and down the span of art but have always maintained the "process" that I learned through her wonderful 12 week self directed course work. I highly recommend it.

Morning pages (journaling) and artists dates are the two constants in my daily creative path that I learned from Julia's book. The writing just seems to flow now after all of these years. My journals fill up without effort, the artist dates took a bit more time to cultivate.

Elizabeth Gilbert in her latest book on creativity, "Big Magic" quotes Joan Didion, "I don't know what I think until I write it down." I related so much to that one statement and understand fully after twenty four years of writing that this one line is why I have to get up every morning before the world begins to write, otherwise I am stuck. Who knew! Thank goodness I have that tool, without it and left to myself I'd undoubtably be a hot mess.

The artist's dates didn't come as easily to me. It was more of an effort to take myself out and experience those times in the beginning. The biggest hurdle I think was to truly identify myself as an "artist". It felt very self indulgent and ego centered initially to claim that label, but over the years I've come to be kinder to myself and to allow that artist inside of me to come fully into place regardless of my critical self or God forbid what others might think.

 How else would I explain my quirky, random colorful idea flurries or frenzied involvement within my pages or in the learning phases of my art if not for the clear definition of a creative mind.. I just had to wait a bit for my true self to evolve.. ahhh.. wisdom, it's a beautiful thing.

So.. the artist's dates as of late have been in the form of taking a class at my friend Mandy Russell's new mixed media art studio, The Painted Dog, in the Brunswick area. A haven of creative energy and support to explore color, texture, layers and just freedom to play. It is fabulous!! Tuesday I jumped at the chance to attend her morning class offering and it made my whole week. New ideas flourished in my own work, I felt excited about learning something new. Being excruciatingly verbal I shared much if not all of my five year old excited self with dear hubby throughout the last few days. He being eternally supportive and encouraging of each of my new expeditions listened attentively and even had some awesome ideas of his own that I'm going to infuse into my work over this weekend! Awesome sauce!

A collaborative journey and one that required a fine balance of community, process and practice. Hence, the purpose and goal of an artist date.

This weekend I have another opportunity. I have the honor of being included in a scrapbooking extravaganza retreat weekend that my two nieces attend every year in Freeport, ME. It's a paper wielding, generally female focused event where they learn techniques and generate ideas for crafting and creating gorgeous memory books for their families drawing from all of their yearly experiences. It's a cult like experience no doubt, but pure fun! There is nothing more invigorating then freedom from responsibility and daily life. These ladies are fueled with Monster energy drinks, candy they don't have to share with anyone, their own minds, as well as the affirmation and encouragement of sharing and connecting with other like minded artists in their own unique medium. It's awesome!

For me, a non scrapbooker, but a fringe dweller and a paper whore I see all of the possibilities in the scraps. Templates for painting and mark making in my own work with art journaling and mixed media paper collage. Ideas for card making, techniques for assemblage and pop up books, a perfect pairing but mostly I go for the connection with these beautiful young women that I treasure daily.

Did I mention they were the flower girls in my wedding? Love them so! Craft on ladies~

Peace Always,
Denice

Back In The Saddle

                                 
How many times do you fall before you finally get the hang of doing something? Riding a bike? A horse? Skiing? I think this is the third time, maybe the fourth attempt at trying to write this blog. So today, I find myself out of nets, excuses and reasons not to bother, so alas! Here it is again. Forgive me and welcome back!

I've discovered that if I just write it for goodness sake and stop thinking about writing it, I'd be totally ahead of the game. My feeling now is that grammatically right or wrong, tenses in place or not, raw or thought out, the writing of it is the most important part. I've discovered also that I need to have a means of expression within my varied interests and experiences in this life and blogging seems to creatively cover all the bases.

This process helps me keep an account of my endeavors and experiences. From textile explorations to splashing about with mixed media pieces, art journaling to discover what these materials do. Experiments in baking, savory styles of chefdom couture, artist dates for inspiration, color and texture indulgences. Not to mention furry friend expeditions, new authors, vintage ideas renewed, inspiring works, words and spiritual moments too many to count or list here and now, but that is pretty much how the blog will go. Random Perfection!

I'll try to map it out a bit, it'll go rouge more then not, but will attempt to create a weekly check in point to share the road with other explorers, creative spirits and makers of all genres.

I welcome all sojourners of the creative process and hope you enjoy this walk with me as I discover my own path on this journey of life I've been blessed to have and that we can learn and experience a little bit more for having walked through it together.