"I love you too, Mom"

Last week I woke up early like I usually do and grabbed my phone from the night stand, gathered all of the magazines and books that I fell asleep with in hope that I would read them in the five minutes I was awake after laying down in my cozy bed.

Hubby sound asleep beside me after coming to bed at three a.m after his shift I quietly tuck in the room darkening shade, gathering my pile of clothes for the day that I set aside at night so I don't have to wake him once I leave the room. This has all become my routine as I close the door, white noise machine lulling in the back ground and the pup, cat and myself head downstairs for their long awaited breakfast and my fresh pot of hot coffee.

After setting down my books, clothes and whatever else I grabbed in the dark I turned to the side table to plug my phone into the charger. Turning the phone on to check for messages there is one. A response from the night before that went right through my heart and brought me to tears. 

"I love you too, Mom". 

Since the boys have grown up, left home for work and adventure along with going off to college this means of communication has for the most part been how we've been in touch. A three hour time difference out west is perfect for a goodnight message and an I love you before bed. Staying in touch with the one son closer to home and in the same time zone, texting has been ideal, with his vampire lifestyle and  late night college life it makes it perfect to not be intrusive but just to connect once in a while. This too has become routine.

I do talk to the guys once in a while, but our communication is mainly done in this manner. It seems to work best for them and with all of the technology and ease of communication it has become the normal means for us. It's okay, but I miss their voices. There is nothing more reassuring then to hear the voices of the ones you love that somehow just makes everything alright. 

Reading that text during this random morning made me realize how much not hearing them call me "mom" has also been a loss of sorts. After identifying with that name and role for 24 years I didn't just magically become Denice overnight. 

Being a mom is more apart of who I am then who I am, if that makes any sense at all. Hubby doesn't call me "wife" or "spouse", although when he tries it's received with selective hearing loss of course until the endearing names take their place...Honey, Sweetie, Baby.. Ooozing with 28 years of marital sappiness. Lol..

So what does all of this mean? Who knows, but what I do know is that for me, not hearing their voices has never becomes routine and even via a text message the sound of theirs is still in my ears. 

I love you too!