What's Next?? What's Next??

Good Morning!
Awake early today, but not unreasonably so. Seems my body clock has adjusted to puppy time zone and to my surprise Matt(hubby) was already up and Miss Willow was already being tended too. A blissful moment as I realized this was a first.

This Saturday will be seven weeks of being a single early morning dog mom to Miss Willow. Matt's evening shifts have always left me my early a.m time to myself, for writing, pondering, reading, praying or whatever else shows up in those wee hours. Adding Willow to the mix wasn't too much of a shift except for six of those seven weeks I haven't had as much freedom to do those kinds of things fully and have been up far earlier then my past life would have allowed for.  Lol.. B.W.(before Willow), was there such a time?? :)

It felt good to lay their for a little while. I listened to the birds from a different slant around the house. The sun was shining through the bottom crack of the room darkening shade and the whirr of the mini fan near Matt's side of the bed was still going. Summer's coming.

Lying there I thought about the day ahead. The last couple of weeks we have been in garden mode, yard mode, puppy mode and the last couple of days, birthday mode with our youngest turning 24!! Twenty Four! It can't be true.. but so it is, time just kinda flies doesn't it. So, with all of those pieces in place and seemingly behind us I thought... What's next?

What's next? Mmmmm... Too many things I'm afraid sometimes. I'm getting kinda tired of "task mode" and could use a little space, some retreat time to just enjoy the fruits of our labor, watch things evolve a bit, have a little dreamy time to wonder or be creative, to read, walk or get my cruiser non gear bike on the road.. get the kayaks out... pause.

I am definitely THAT person in our relationship. THE CREATOR OF THE PAUSE. My dear Type A has no off switch and for some reason just can't seem to relax when he's home. He touts that the "work" relaxes him, but I differ in that thought. I think the task being finished relaxes his inner list, but it just never ends... To my reply... UGH!! What's next is his first, middle and last name in that department and after a while, this creative, maker, dreamer gets a little undone, cranky and resistant to anything MORE.. so I have to draw a hard line. Well, I think it's a hard line, but he just looks up, sometimes... from whatever he might be doing like hammering the nails back into the deck(insert eye roll) and states... "well if I don't do it, it'll never get done."
Mmmm.. his statement is entirely true and we both know this, but... then my reply is usually, "well, if you get hit by a bus this afternoon, will it matter? Followed by, "Let's go do something else, anything else!"

So, this did actually happen in real time today and I can attest to you now that the pause will be happening around lunch time. The motorcycle is ready to go, Willow takes a three hour nap in her crate and we will NOT be doing anything else except creating a pause before we even think or talk about, what's next!

Enjoy your day friends!! What is your go to pause? Share here in the comments below if you want or share the blog on social media with someone you think might need a little pause. Peace Always,
Denice

Doing Hard Things...

Waking up this morning on this beautiful island in Harpswell, Maine the air is sweet, thick, palpable.

The sun shimmering through the foggy leftovers of last nights heavy cloud covering has left a haziness over the wet grass and the birds were ecstatic in the trees.

I can smell the wild strawberries, the bursting lilacs from the front of the yard and the light salt of mid tide. It feels like a whisper from the earth and an assurance for my heart that all will be well.

The last six weeks I have gotten up so much earlier with the puppy then I usually would. 
Initially it was grudgingly, but it has become less so with each week that has passed. 
Witnessing the shift into spring with all her fickle glory has been a unexpected blessing. From the frozen ground, spring snow and ice to the first pips of every blade of grass, every flower, each returning perennial and every bud and leaf on the trees. I've been able to watch and connect with everything that surrounds our little haven on the hill here and I feel really grateful for that now. This pandemic has run parallel to this very opposite experience for me and has brought with it a beautiful distraction and groundedness.


The first month was tough, I admit I was reading the fine print of this little fur balls contract from the breeder wondering if I could return her and not be a total loser for doing so.. but then another day would pass, and another bird would sing a morning song so loud that you forgot you only slept four hours and aren't bleeding anymore from the razor teeth attached to the prancing demon at the other end of the leash.
God help me she is too cute!!

I think now, dear Willow and I have figured a few things out in this time, while she sleeps behind my chair this morning as I write. Our greatest lessons sometimes are taught to us in the midst of our struggles, and if I am patient those "ah ha" moments come in a quiet reveal when I least expect them.

Maybe mine came today. My lesson that I too can do hard things, a day at a time over the long term and emerge awake and alive with new life in the end of it. Today I felt encouraging to receive it, delivered in the fog and illuminated by the sun that made its way through the wake in the trees.


Smiling now in my heart now as we trudge through the routine of our morning, our new normal, together.

Willow trots along, does all her business and we both smell the sweetness and the hope of the new day, she smiles looking right back at me knowingly... we'll keep each other, and all will be well.

Have a good day peeps!!

Peace Always,
Denice & Willow Grace

Progress Not Perfection

It's Friday!! Not just any Friday, but THE Friday of Memorial Weekend!

Flags are out, the cemeteries are fully manicured and are in all their celebratory glory to remind us, to remember! To remember all those who have gone before us, but more importantly those who have served in our military, fought for our freedoms and instilled in us a grounding sense of who we are and where we come from! I am humbled and grateful on so many levels for their sacrifice and lives lived! Thank you!

This weekend also starts the planting season and the warmer side of Maine's recreational season. Summer is creeping up on us in a few short weeks and in so many ways it's looking very different for all of us this year. But, some things will remain the same, this is what I am clinging to and am watering in my own life moving forward.

Usually, all of these moving parts of the upcoming season are inspiring, thought provoking and a glorious space of time for us outdoor enthusiasts and planners, always in hope of good times ahead for all of us, even this year, in the midst of a lock down, quarantine, social distancing global pandemic. Who would have thought right?... Gloves on!

What's on your docket for the weekend and upside down summer ahead?

For me.. I've decided to hit the ground, praying I can maintain a slow and steady pace with forward momentum, as I have a controlled crash list of planting, pruning, tending, camping, cooking, building, preserving and cultivating that will hopefully weave itself organically throughout the course of the weekend, into next week and stretch itself out into the undetermined summer ahead. But for now, in the next few days, I'll be a full on, Mary, Mary quite contrary.. how does your garden grow dirt maven!

I'll possibly curse the days ahead when the yield comes in, God willing of course, and the blanching, freezing, canning and the like begin to happen in the heat of the humid, sticky summer..

Note to self... pull up the summer tide chart because the ledge crawling at high tide here is a blissful baptismal renewal when those days are hot and intolerable. I can not wait for that! Nothing better then the ocean to cure all that ails you! My all time favorite thing of summer, says this old mermaid.

I'll post another entry once things are underway, but for now my goal will be simple... even in the midst of my grand plans, mapped garden plots and piles of seeds and starts.. My goal will be to remember.. that it's ALWAYS the process that heals me in everything I do. So in this too.. progress not perfection for our weekend, my garden, the summer ahead and with every daily choice in my life.

This is where I will begin.

Happy Memorial Day Gang!

Peace Always,
Denice

Imagine...

Today, if you could close your eyes and imagine a time in your life that you could magically go back to, where would it be?

Like a prayer, close your eyes and imagine that time, that place, what does it look like? Feel like? Smell like? The only thing you can bring with you is the you you are now. Where would you go?



Half asleep, lying in my twin bed that is shored up against the log cabin wall closest to the waters edge. I am at our camp on the New Meadows River, 10 years old, it is early summer.

The windows, screened ran all along the outer wall of the enclosed cabin porch and had old rod iron arms that stretched and lock them open. On this night they are partially open. The air is thick with a foggy mist, not over salt laden like home on Great Island, but wet enough so when you walked down the hill to the outhouse your nighty and skin were damp from it.

Lying in bed the only light on in the camp was the one beside my fathers chair where he sat, feet up, reading the newest paperback thriller from Bookland and listening to the RedSox game on the transistor radio to the left of his chair. That light illuminates the rafters above my head, casting shadows in the corners making the spider webs more iradesent and somehow larger then the daytime.

Dad's chest clearing cough was comforting, he was always there and falling asleep was easy.

Eyes still closed... I explore the world around me, almost always outdoors. At 10, I can be anything I want to be as long as I am not in the way of the dailiness of the house hold. I have finished my chores that are posted and expected to be done without asking and am off to busy myself with any variety of things.

I am a mermaid, if the tide is high in the alcoves of the brackish water. Canopies of tall oaks and maples surround me as I swim off the ledges transforming from mermaid to harbor seal back to a little girl. I can hear my voice echo with the smallest of whoo hoo's, it is peaceful here.



I am a writer, at my little desk that my niece now has in her downtown apartment. I am writing stories, secret diary entries, comic strips, letters, poems and if I am at a loss, transcribing long stanzas from old books that mom would buy from antique shops or estate auctions. It is fun and feels very collegic.


The writer becomes a secretary at a real estate office, "Baribeau Real Estate, how can I help you?" This memory, I am bouncing around in my father's truck, running his errands with him and am awe struck by how much fun it would be to have a phone at my little desk and pretend I was that fancy secretary too!  Then the secretary turns into a bank teller with extra deposit slips tucked in my drawer that Dad would let me take along with a bank pen when we went there as well. After hours the writer, the secretary and the bank teller would become an artist. Collage, coloring and painting materials would all come out and nothing was off limits.

Closing my eyes and imagining a time like this, even just for a few minutes brings a joyful remembrance and a peaceful calm in a time that is uncertain. At 10, I didn't know what was going to happen from day to day either. I was safe where I was as long as I was home and lived within the confines of what others, mostly the ones that I trusted and could count on deemed important and for my safety. The rest of the world could fall away and I wouldn't have known any different.

Today we do know all about the world, all the options, all the scenarios, worse case and best. But the knowing of it doesn't seem to help right now. We can watch the news till our eyes fall out but it doesn't seem to help much or make anything better for us today.

So, my simple practice today will be, not to stick my head in the sand, but to just close my eyes for a while, imagine myself in some other time or place, embrace the feeling, the sights and sounds that surrounds me there and bring them back here, to share.


Where will you go? Share this with someone who you feel might need to read it too if you want.

photo credit: judygarlandasdorothy.com

"We're not in Oz anymore Dorothy"... but that's ok, because for today I'm going to imagine that there is no place like home and home for me is to be 10~

Happy Friday Gang!

Cheers,
Denice

Realize and Remember...

“While I know myself as a creation of God, I am also obligated to realize and remember that everyone else and everything else are also God’s creation.”
~Maya Angelou 

Disappointment can throw me for a loop. Probably a collective thought for many. What I conjure in my mind and what reality shows up with at my door can lift me to heights of squirrelly head time, turning over old hurts and unresolved conflicts in my heart that have absolutely no business in any current moment, day or situation. 

"What did you expect?"

That question, I've asked myself so many times in quiet reflection after the fact, and now after many, many years of inner work and navigation I pause when I ask it. I pause because I know better now. 

I have learned that to have expectations of myself or others is a direct bulls eye aim for disappointment and damn... it happens every time, I hate that!  

Figuratively speaking of course.. from my contemplative sleepy state this morning, forgive me for over sharing.. :) My only expectation last night was to sleep, and look at the hot mess I've become from that little gem! (insert eye roll). Onward!!

Perusing through some of the open tabs on my computer this morning, I was inspired by the quote above. What a powerhouse spirit Maya was and still is. Her life and what she shared with all of us resonates far and wide.. and will forever no doubt. Sometimes I expect that level of presence or return in my own life... not today though :) 

The simplicity of her visual message was all it took to shift my current mindset and change the course of every moment I share today, with myself, my loved ones, the earth, my work.. and boil it all down to, I am just tired. No big thing.

The puppy was up and down last night,(but I have a puppy!!). My "sugar free" peppermint ice cream didn't settle well, wired me up like a ten day clock around midnight just the same(but I thoroughly enjoyed that ice cream).  Her quote tempered me, helped me shift course and come back to the moments of this day and this time.. One simple truth is powerful! We are powerful. The one thing we do today might cause that shift for someone else~funny how that works. 

So, if I'm feeling a bit sensitive today, I don't have to accomplish much, I can take it easy a bit.. it's not the end all, be all of my life.. ( I have a life, I am healthy, I have a bed.. and a puppy!!)  I just don't hang very well when I am tired. 

Today, I will, Keep it Simple..

For today, when my inner spirit is all like.. let do this and this and this... my mind and body can look at her sidelong and nod their collective heads.... mmmmm, no.


I think we are all kind of tired. Tired of the collective "this", and that's ok too. 

I am certain, without a doubt that all of the HomeGoods, TJMaxx and HobbyLobby signs that tout, "Let's Stay Home" will collectively be in the clearance bin come June 1st. Ha! 

To end... 


"Ripples in the ocean from one beautiful stone plunged high and deep, roll on forever until they meet the shore they are destined to touch.." 
This morning, Maya, your ripple touched my shore and I am grateful. Thank you. 
~my reflection above, divinely inspired, of course. 

So, today, I am choosing to press my RESET button.. Flush my expectations of what could have been, should have been, last night, this morning or yesterday and tired or not, try my very best to see what is in front of me the way Maya describes above. 


My only expectation today will be of myself. 

To witness God's creations that abound and surrounds me, shine light on them and say thank you.


Happy Monday Peeps.. 

Cheers! 

Denice 

Pickling Ferns & Milking Oats..

A quick post today as the sun is shining, snow is on the horizon for tomorrow and it's Mother's Day on Sunday.. a lot of to do's on this quarantine Friday where one day really doesn't feel like any other but we are trying really hard to pretend that it does, so here's the scoop!

Yesterday we had a little luck in the fiddlehead department. Found a few here and there, worked hard for them but ended up with just under 2lbs cleaned. We/I decided to try some pickling instead to put them up this year. We usually blanch and freeze them, but pickling is just a couple extra steps and if there are extras we could still freeze some or save them for dinner over the next couple of nights! Score!

I was so excited when I saw the first little cluster!! We have gotten them up north but are trying to stay closer to home of course and had been on a mission.. Matt inquired with a friend too and he set us off in the right direction! Super grateful for that because fiddlehead grounds are hard won secrets just like fishing ones, so I just picked a few. :)

Will report back in two weeks when we can try the tiny harvest!

Also, on the home front this morning I thought it might be fun to share another fun piece. A few months back, a friend shared with me that her children and her were discussing sustainable choices in milk. They have a farm along with a milking cow or two, but the girls were discussing more so about plant derived milks and which of those would be the least impactful to our environment. Kids today!! :) Anyway, Almond was out! The steps to grow almonds, water, land, time etc was well beyond sustainability so they moved down the list.. Rice, coconut, hemp, oat.. From what I remember of the conversation they made a few of those options at home so they could try them.. (that process could be another blog post in and of itself, more on that later.) I'll be brief.

After all of the experimenting they decided that OATS, aka Oatmilk was the winner. I of course wanted to hear all of the details on how they did what and the process of it all.

So, that being a few months ago, I too have been making my own quarts of this very creamy, sustainable and always fresh available milk. It's so easy and it's really very good! I sweeten it just a bit with maple syrup and voila!! Milk. :)

I love the idea! I love the goodness that runs full circle with it. But mostly I love that two very intuitive, smart young little girls had the freedom and access to this whole idea and its process. They thought well beyond the cooler at the grocery store and to them, it's just no big thing, this is their normal! Well done Mom!! #erinonthefarm

Have a blessed weekend everyone & Happy Day to ALL those Mothers in the world~ But most
especially to mine! Love you Mummy!!

Cheers,
Denice

New Beginnings Till The End...

Somewhere along the line, way back in time I evolved as a self proclaimed beginner.

I love to explore, do creative things and am always open to what something could be... the possibilities are endless! This process is almost always apart of my dailyness. It's not a bad thing, I can't really help it and honestly I don't really want to. It's kind of who I am.

On the other hand, my follow through isn't always great. Not on every level, because I do get a lot of things accomplished, they are just not the things that are important to some or are not on the never ending preverbial list.. Oiy!!

Spring Seedlings

But, I have found that if you leave me alone long enough and don't distract me with some other thing that has no baring on my own circular process or thinking, I get to the finishing of it in my own way and in my own time.

This pandemic and full time isolation at home with a linear minded partner is a bit of a challenge. For both of us.

Ginger Chili Lime Shrub

Most of the time I roll into the day with new plans, ideas, concoctions and then he wakes up... haha.. plods along, follows his list and in a very orderly fashion gets his own things done. I melt into the ground at the thought.. :)

Unfortunately, in the very best way, I think I drive him nuts most of the time. He is very sweet and quiet about it as a rule, but he continues to try to organize me and keep me tucked neatly into a box and I continually bust out all over the place.. (house being the box...)

When I am home or we are home together, my blooming, decocting, eclectic projects, piles and creative messiness sprawl about "the box" and he makes it his mission to follow around behind me putting everything away, ordered in some way and swept up, a bit too many times I'm afraid. I tell him to leave it but somehow he just can't..

Naan Fiddlehead Pizza

Homemade Naan

It is a choreographed dance we have crafted over 32 years of a life together, it works for us, but in small bites.. not pandemic levels!!

We are both relieved I think when he has to go to work at his essential job and we can take a much needed break from all that dancing! Phew! :)




Enters... the puppy!!

Willow's First Ride

Now he is outnumbered.. Thank God! I have an ally! There is no putting this little lady in a box and she even
throws up and poops in the car! Chews the legs of the tables, chairs, shoes... runs a buck eighty with razor sharp teeth straight for your bare legs and it's either rangle that girl or make sure you've got plenty of band aides.. Zoomies we call those bursts of crazy.. anyone with a dog knows what these are.. Zoomies are wild and random and full of life!! They make all three of us excited, breathless and scared all at the same time and it's wonderful after the dust settles and we can relax or take a nap.

Post Zoomies

I'm grateful for Willow, our little furry and I am grateful for my dear one and all of his attention to detail. There's no one I'd rather do this life trek with!

But for now, my messy new ideas, random projects and piles pale in comparison to Zoomies, throw up and poop so I get to fly under the radar for a while..

Have a great day!!
Denice

Favorite Dance Partner

Fiddleheads

photo credit:Farmer's Almanac website. Link below.

I think I should start charging admission for people to take a ride in my mind somedays.. I know there is medication or treatment for this adult attention, squirrel kind of thinking, the struggle is real, but that would be far to linear for me I'm afraid and a little boring to say the least. So, fiddleheads it is!

We begin. :)

When I woke up at 5:45 this morning with our sweet spirited, farm girl pup pawing at my head, nose butting my eyeballs and flossing her razor teeth with my hair, "fiddleheads" was the first thing that ran through my mind. I have no idea why, except maybe my internal forager or Mother Earth internal time clock rang a bell somewhere in my still half asleep mind.

Blue sky, suns out, 37 degrees that's supposed to warm to the mid 50's by mid day.. a perfect day for fiddle heading.. Thank you Miss Willow for allowing me that extra 30 minutes of rest before our 10,000 plus step day begins, because I think I'm up for the challenge and really would love to get out of this one acre sequestered space for the day! Bonus... Matt is off too!

In the northern parts of Maine the ice is just out of the lakes and the rivers are surging with crazy levels of water. Fiddleheads up in that area are ready more so toward Memorial Day, but down here it's prime time, but the question is... where are they? That's the fun part!


Foraging for food, herbs, mushrooms and the like is a treasure hunting kind of hike that can only bring positive vibes to any given day in my book. Especially now, before the bugs kick in and these lower temps are perfect for them to not be obnoxious on a day like this. I'm in!

After picking dandelion greens the other day and making my pesto I was set in motion. I started planting some seeds, created a new rock garden with hubby, planted a few seedlings that could stand the cooler nights, so understandably my mind is hopping to the "next spring thing". Which of course is... fiddleheads. Anyone who does this type of thing would agree. I think. lol

Not such a crazy thought after all.. a busy one, but not crazy. So off to the river today! The fishing of course will be an option, the pup will surely get wet and we might be having some fresh ostrich ferns for dinner!

Cheers~
Denice

Cleaner Living

Everyday is a brand new beginning right.. I pray so. The empty Oreo cookie package in the waste basket from the night before or the last few nights in a row that it took to polish them off is evidence that I am not trying to hide anything but, as always it is a blaring component of my need to fill something other then my belly from time to time. Sweet? Salty? Boozy? Comforting? Calming? I'm not sure when I came to the understanding that substances other then just myself were a "fix it" for my emotional wellness and how it came to have such an impact on my everyday life from a very young age.

I think we learn what we live, or at least I did, some things took a few rounds to get it, but there it was in the end. There was a lot of thumping and bumping through life, learning as you go kind of lessons, model what you see more so then any philosophies.. and became kind of the gist of my eclectic, self medication tactics. I know I am not alone here..

Garden variety was a term I heard once at a support meeting describing people like me years ago. I had never heard that term before. I liked the garden part. Flowers. Blooming. Propagation. Color... The variety piece was appealing as well. Variety is the spice of life right? Keeps things interesting to have varied interests, maybe not dozens and dozens, but variety could only be beneficial was my way of thinking.

Well, in the best case scenario maybe, but with a cellular predisposition to wander, inattention and a distracted make up with a propensity to obsessive natures and not having any innate understanding of which direction was right or wrong, accepted or desired, a "Garden Variety" personality such as myself ended up being a perfect recipe for a Hot Mess Soup.. and one that I made often.

Most of the lessons I learned in my life have come from personal experiences. Good, bad, embarrassing, fearful, spiritual, dangerous, exciting, creative, hysterical, in a fun way of course. :) They all came when they came and it wasn't until after the fact when I had some perspective and I would say...
Damn.... That was a little sketchy, or Man..... I don't think I'll ever do that again, or Awesome!!!... I want to do that for the rest of my life... I know I'm not alone here either.. Lol..

Anyway, reflecting a bit now in my older years, I don't remember ever choosing to do something that I researched, investigated all of the scenarios, knew all of the facts, accessed the risk factors FIRST..  AND THEN..  made a choice to move forward.  Anything that I ever was passionate about and wanted to discover fully, seemed to choose me and when that happened I was ALL IN!  I was never one to "Seek Wise Counsel"... and then proceed with caution. I was a touch the wood stove kind of girl and figured out pretty quick most times that doing one thing or another was either good or not good in my own personal Book of Wisdom and moved forward or backward from there. Which may explain my abundance of scars, unfinished projects and creative endeavors.

To end.. With all of this nuttiness going on in our world, routines, lives, physical and mental health turned upside down and side ways what was the best way for me to channel some of that and take care of myself?  The other day a very wise, young person shared with me her thoughts and it was to "first, do no harm". As simple as that. Hippocrates in his finest hour. Brilliant!!

So today, I'll take a step out or over the hard stuff however I can manage and cause the least amount of harm to myself or others and then move on from there.
No shame here. No big rules or inner~judgey eye rolls.. Just another 24 hours to make it less harmful, and kinder, for myself and then to anyone close enough to share it with, 6 feet apart of course.

Cheers,

Denice