Not Nice

Being nice has always been a personality trait that I have been associated with. My actions or habits have been a long suffering ingrained response within me that is hard wired to my very existence. Pleasing, accommodating, friendly, delightful, agreeable... Ugh! I can't help myself! My superlative in high school was "best personality".. how does that even happen right?

Niceties were bred into the very core of who I am from the time I was a little girl. Home, school, church.. "Be Nice, mind your manners, don't be disagreeable", I taught the same things to my own children, it's just the way it was, but WTH.. I know it is what we need for society as a whole and of course it is important, but being nice, at all cost, that being taught directly to a young woman reaches far deeper into the later part of her life and in how she deals with everyone and the world for the rest of her life..

Anyone have trouble saying "no" or being less then accommodating? That alone, brings a world of hurt to a young woman especially when she is set out into life with wolves in every corner and a raw steak cinched tight around her very nice neck.

At the cusp of 50 I have to ask myself, what does "Nice" mean anyway? I think if we were to look in the dictionary for meaning there would be a picture of a "nicely" woven door mat is my guess. I don't fein being friendly and agreeable as unimportant or unnecessary, it is apart of how we all get along. But... I do think instead of just being nice, we all could practice a little bit more patience, maybe a response, instead of a react kind of attitude, being present with others, becoming a better listener... That to me boils down into a much more life giving and authentic style of behavior, warmer. Kindness or being kind, to me that has a whole other vibe and it doesn't have much to do with being nice.

Kind is another four letter word that doesn't have the same connotations as Nice. Fuck Nice.. Truly. Who gets anywhere in life being nice. Not that I'm going anywhere any time soon, but hey.. this is more of what I'm talking about, a little to the left possibly? Oh God, I just lost an entire political party. Lol.. :) Maybe parts of my family, grateful that my husband is a part time reader here. Ha! Patience people, I'm getting there. :)

Moving from Nice to Kind is such a simple shift. It's like a softer overall sense of respect and love to be kind. Nice feels like a job. One that you don't like and are always trying to worm your way out of.

Moving forward, today especially as I am already backlashing from my niceness and am noticing that I stepped in to it knowing what it would be and BAM.. I'm already wanting to quit that job and run to the mountains to sit in the woods alone. I am learning. From now on, I want to be kind. I am going to try to pause before I open my well trained mouth and calm my knee jerk responses to "act" and with a little prayer, practice and opportunities for a "do over" I have every hope that this process will be better for everyone concerned. When it all boils down, what "nice" creates in its aftermath is in no uncertain terms, nice.

From this space today and into my present future I will begin with and seek kindness first. Not because I don't want to be nice, but more so because I want to be sincere and authentic, that doesn't sound so bad does it?

So to any of the folks that I may not be as friendly, pleasing, delightful, agreeable or jumping readily  to accommodate you at first sight, take no offense, be patient with me. I'm just trying to be kind.

In Love & Peace Always,
Denice