Sitting at one end of the kitchen table on a Mexicali Blues cushion for good spiritual groundedness, I pile up my inspirational friends in the form or books, devotionals, gurus and a well creased composition book that I buy in bulk during the back to school sales for 10 cents a piece, knowing they'll be full by the time the next academic year arrives. One full comp book of writing a month is about what it works up to and I've been writing like this for close to 25 years. My sister has promised me that she will not read them and will burn them for me if I die unexpectedly and hubby has assured me he has zero interest in what I write in those volumes so doesn't ever nose around them or make me feel like I need to lock away my written verbal process to feel safe from intruders. He actually gets the audio version later each morning so really doesn't need to read them after all. Ha! :)My spiritual practice has evolved from these writings. I feel very strongly that whenever you are conveying your inner most thoughts via the written word you are channeling a higher self or a deeper voice that most definitely I can attest to not being my own from time to time...most of the time. Divine Intervention is real people!! :) Days like that leave me exhausted but fully alive and present with a knowing that is wild and bizarre. I am humbled on those days. But in those spaces it seems to cultivate HOPE.. It opens up a what's next channel and if I'm listening most days it's spot on.
Hope is crazy! Sometimes I look all around me and I think, "OH GOD!! What is going on here?!?"... Life, right?? We all see it. We all feel it, sometimes closer then other times, but man~ It comes both barrels some days. I am not in any personal crisis at all right now, thank goodness, but I feel the crisis in others and see the crisis in so many places that it's overwhelming. Hope though, keeps us from jumping don't you think? Hope gives us pause. Hope is a drink of water and a breath that we didn't have or couldn't perceive two moments prior to the intake of what is "too much" to handle at once. Hope is what lets us trust and believe that there is a bigger and more powerful force that holds things in balance even when the eyes cannot see and the ears cannot hear.. Hope is a blessing. A pause, a breath.
"A shred of hope". A shred isn't much, but it's enough. It's enough to receive exactly what we need when we question, when we deny, when we are feeling, "What the hell did I do all of that for??!". Grab a carrot later and peel it. Pull out the grater and shred that baby up... take one shred and lay it on the table. It's not much is it? But it's enough. Today in our culture we need BIG energy.. BIG results and we want them yesterday. Faster, better and we skim right over the surface of our lives. No wonder we don't see the cracks. We notice them once they become a fracture to our well being, our sense of purpose and life force.. When we feel defeated and tired, hopeless... What a shitty place to be and it can happen really fast sometimes. That shred of hope is all it takes though~ powerful in its presence and it only takes one. That's crazy hope!
My spiritual practice had been on a different track over the last six months or so. In christian circles it's called a dessert, in Native American teachings it would be a quest possibly. Buddhism would refer to it as a path or a journey.. It's been more of a dessert for me, a realignment of sorts I guess. I would still write everyday, but I didn't leave room beyond the writing to be led deeper, to give myself the time to sink or listen. My phone has been the culprit and I've given myself permission to keep it off, silenced, upside down for good measure and well out of reach in the morning or at least until I have given the third part of myself time each day.. Spirit.Mind, Body, Spirit... Keeping that simple balance alone has healed each crack and fracture I've endured over the last 25 years and creates a deeper hope for the journey I am on and whatever that journey may be. I'm not sure anymore. But what I do know is that I am healed from the complacent space I have been in and I am open. I have HOPE, and today it's abundant enough to share!
In Love Always,
Denice
Once again you have put a name to what lurks deep inside us, sis....it's that small ounce or seed..a mustard seed, right? That's all we need to have hope, is a mustard seed of faith that all will be well..that we needn't fret or worry or overthink our lives, we just need to be present. Someone once told me that being present is the present, is the gift. It's hard sometimes to be still....but always worth the pause. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThank you Deb~ It is worth the pause, most definitely. You're Welcome :)
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